BLOGMAS Day 2 of 12 : What would you do if you didn’t feel cringe ?

 Cringe: to feel very embarrassed and uncomfortable about something

In 2021, while we were still experiencing the big C, I woke up one day and decided to start a YouTube channel. I had a couple of reasons for doing so, but at the top of the list was that I needed something to keep me busy because if I stayed idle, I felt like I would lose my mind literally.

Context: I had just completed my bar exams, and most of my classmates and peers were already doing their pupillage or at least had some prospects. On my end, it was looking quite bleak, and so many thoughts were going through my mind. Such as: “If I can’t even secure pupillage, something that’s a mere component of my coursework, do I even stand a chance at getting a job? like how bad of a candidate am I that I can’t even get a chance to give my labour for almost free…” and so on! The thoughts kept coming.

I then figured I was already active on IG then, doing some videos, IG TV videos, if you remember. So I was like, well..I can just do YouTube. So I started it as a way to keep myself busy, and I genuinely really enjoyed sharing content. It felt nice to expand ways to express myself beyond writing. To make things even better, two of my friends were also in the space at the time, so it felt like something I could also do.

But let me tell you…

Having to ask people to subscribe, and having to push my video every time I posted, used to actually make me feel like puking. I would feel like I am begging people to do something they don’t even want or care about anyway, and it made me feel so cringe every time. Anytime someone would mention publicly that I am a YouTuber or blogger, I would always feel so embarrassed.

Why?

To me, it felt so embarassing to me to be a ‘small creator’. I thought maybe people out there would even laugh at the thought of me claiming such labels. I was very uncomfortable with the idea of putting myself out there like that and then having to ‘fail’ at it publicly. Failing in this case, being maybe not growing to have a huge audience, not monetizing and things like that. After all, for most people in the space that seemed like the natural progression. So, to still keep at it always felt like a struggle.

So then now?

For me, there are things that I will just keep doing no matter how long I take a break or pause. For example, I have deleted some IG pages because I started to feel cringe about them, but I recently started one that I plan to use to share my perfume obsession starting next year. Sometimes I welcome the cringe. I still feel it, but I still proceed to do the thing that I want to anyway.

Do you relate?

Is this something you experience yourself? It can even be related to plugging your business or work-related. Has this hindered you from doing anything? Let me know in the comments!

What would you do if you didn’t feel cringe?

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See you again tomorrow for Day 3 of BLOGMAS