Welcome to Day 7 of BLOGMAS!
Thank you for still rocking me up to this point.
On today’s post, I will be getting a bit more personal and vulnerable…
So, last year, I felt I got to that point in life where I was really struggling mentally. It’s those things that are hard to explain, and you feel like people who aren’t in that situation can’t understand. And then you are like, well, it’s okay if they never understand because the cost of going through certain things is too high. It’s almost like grief; you can only imagine what someone is going through, but from the outside, you can’t really get it.
So, back to my drafts, I will also share screenshots so you can see the timestamps. These are some of the things that were going through my mind in 2024. There were probably way more dark thoughts, but those are already deleted. I was drafting this on the Medium platform, so they are easier to find, as I don’t use that platform often
Last updated on Feb 14 2024
As hazy as my mind right now
Let’s talk about it — struggling mentally is 😮💨
A song I heavily relate to at the moment
Good times for a change
See, the luck I’ve had
Can make a good man
Turn bad
So please, please, please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time
Haven’t had a dream in a long time
See, the life I’ve had
Can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Am I the strong friend who can’t lean on a support system?
It’s harder when what’s not working out for you is essential to your survival
Last updated 15 February 2024
My mental health diary
I will stop when I feel better
15/02/2024
I’m about to cue in another crying session, and I’m wondering if this is gonna be a daily thing because I’m actually tired of it. I keep thinking if I’m inching closer to the moment where I actually spiral, and I’m declared insane. What is that one thing that will make me tick? I doubt it’s gonna be another rejection email — I’ve gotten so many I even forget them. I asked my friend what to do with these Uni offers I have, but can’t pay for? I hope I remember to let them know they can give my spot to someone else. I don’t have much fight in me to keep trying. Oooorrrr… maybe I don’t want it that bad to give up so quick? At first try? At least tomorrow is Friday.
Last updated 26th Februray 2024
Should we have a lighter burden to communicate effectively when struggling mentally?
My answer is yes. A resounding one, even.
Last updated sometime in July 2024
Life didn’t end when …
Recounting my awful half of 2024, aka the pits…
- Didn’t make rent one month — afforded half
- Couldn’t afford to replace my gas, so I bought a jiko, and would eat one meal a day
- Nothing on my vision board has come to pass — like nada
- Amidst all these, I still resigned from my job without the next one being secured – yeah, they will think I’m crazy
Last updated November 14 2024
What did your mental (health/illness) cost you?
Let me talk about something I keep thinking about every day
I think there is a better title I could have had, but here we are.
Last year is so recent, and while my circumstances now are different, I really struggled to be in the space of not being okay. There is always a lot of emphasis on people communicating, and I get that, but I was down so bad, and the last thing on my mind was doing the ‘logical’ or the ‘rational’ thing of asking for help. If you have always been the one figuring things out on your own your whole life, you will struggle even more to seek help when you aren’t 100% okay. How do you even do it?
It feels so vulnerable to share this right now, but I am just sharing it as an example of how ugly life could be for some people right now. And especially for people who could feel like they would rather die than admit they are struggling (not exaggerating), or sometimes wrongly sense/ assume that because they are the strong ones, no one will really take them seriously.
In one way or another, going through whatever I was going through led me to lose a friendship that I still can’t believe ended. And I wonder, what is the right way to relay to someone that you truly weren’t yourself, without it sounding like just another excuse?
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